You Can Do This by Beverlye Hyman-Fead,  
author of I Can Do This: Living with Cancer

Beverlye's Bio

Tracing a Year of Hope

I'm going to talk about not only what I've learned as a two time cancer survivor, but what I have learned having been the granddaughter, daughter and sister of the women in my family who have battled cancer.

Since my last diagnosis in 2003, many scary and wonderful things have happened to me. And just maybe that's what cancer is: scary and wonderful. Scary because of what can happen to you. And wonderful because of the people you'll meet. My scary part, given two months to live 41/2 years ago. Wonderful part, given an experimental drug that worked. It's a terrible club to belong to but you will meet the most incredible people of your lifetime. I have gained such insight from the doctors, nurses and especially the courageous patients I have come in contact with.

Call In the Troops

Today our column will be called "Call in the Troops" . When you have received your cancer diagnosis, please do not think that is the end. That is only the beginning. This is when you call in the troops to go to work for you. Ask them to go on the Internet and find out everything they can about your particular kind of cancer. There are new drugs and experimental treatments coming out from around the world every day. Your troops might consist of your husband, wife, children or friends. Everyone wants to help. Let them in. It makes them feel useful and included. I think it's important for one of your troops to go with you to your doctor's appointments. Sometimes in a doctor's office we tend to be so nervous, we can barely hear. Let your friends or family member come and bring a tap recorder into the meeting. Ask your doctor if it's okay to have the recorder on. I have not been refused yet. Then ask another one of your troops to transcribe it for you. In this way, you have something you can always refer back to.

If friends call and ask, "what can I do?" Tell them, you would love it if they dropped off a meal to your house. It would be one less detail you wouldn't have to worry about. If you need treatment, i.e.: chemotherapy or radiation, etc. ask your friends to take turns to drive and sit with you. I had a friend who when she found out she needed treatment, asked a different friend every time to drive her and bring lunch. It became a party. All her friends were vying to cater Glady's chemo. No, it really wasn't fun. But it helped and made it the best it could be.

My other friend just had her lung operated on in a different city from which she lived. She said she heard my voice and "Called in the Troops." She asked one friend to come and stay with her in the hospital, and another friend to come down from Pacific Grove to LA to pick her up and drive her home. They were so happy to do that and it made her feel she had a patient advocate.

Don't go this cancer route alone. Reach out to your friends and family, and tell them how you are really feeling and how they can help. Everyone has to do it their own way, of course, but for me, I say that's the time to ask our friends and family for help.

Address on the web: Beverlyehymanfead.com